Pregnancy: Not for the faint of heart.

Pregnancy.... A miracle they say. I think 'they' are men. 'They' don't have a uterus. Now, obviously the end result is worth it. Babies are great and all that. But until that baby comes, it is just 9 long months of torture. Torture that comes at you from a hundred different and unexpected ways.

My mind set at the beginning of this, my second, pregnancy: I can do this. The first one wasn't so bad. Sure there was some morning sickness, but there are drugs for that. Some mild heart burn, but I like the taste of Tums. I had a hard time sleeping, but that was just preparation for the sleepless nights to come as a new mom. I can do this even with a toddler to take care of. No problem.

Oh the stupidity. Obviously everyone experiences pregnancy differently, so I speak only for myself when I say, pregnancy number two SUCKS!

That morning sickness that was easily cured by drugs? That will triple, maybe quadruple in intensity. Drugs will only do so much. Even with the maximum dose you will still find yourself throwing up in the driveway, the car, the bed, outside the doctors office, and in the flower bed. I knew my morning sickness was really bad the first time Oaklee stopped on her way to the car to spit in the grass. She had seen mom do it so many times she assumed that's what we did on our way to the car. Add to this lovely image the fact that we were living in a friends basement at the time, so this was not my yard I was violating, but someone else's. I'm sure they were really loving their decision to let us live with them. Also, all the people who assure you it will go away after the first trimester? Liars. Big fat liars.

That heart burn? Go ahead and throw the Tums away, they won't touch this. I've come to think of my chest as an active volcano. The burn is always there, bubbling, mocking my hunger, daring me to eat something. And once I do, the volcano erupts, bubbling up into my throat until I am literally choking on it. Literally, I have choked on my heartburn. I am taking a prescription twice a day to help, but I still can't sleep flat. I miss being horizontal. It's such a great way to be.

The lack of sleep? Between peeing, hunger, the resulting heartburn, and Braxton Hicks sleep is a thing of the past. A distant memory. I know at some point in my life I have slept more than a half hour at a time, but I can't recall what it feels like. I bet it's wonderful.

Braxton Hicks contractions are another demon I was not prepared for. I never experienced them with Oaklee and they are evil. For a solid month now at least 15 hours a day my uterus feels like someone is trying to squeeze the water out of a wet towel. Stop teasing me uterus! If you are so eager to contract let's get on with it and have this kid!

There are a number of other side affects that caught me off guard, some of which I won't mention because frankly there is no need to embarrasses myself by sharing them. Needless to say, they aren't pretty. One last one that I had heard was very common but was not expecting was the deterioration of my teeth. This kid is literally sucking the life out of my mouth. By the time I get everything fixed I think I will have paid for my dentist to get a new car.

In closing may I just say, this kid better come out as cute as the last one, otherwise I can't promise to feel like it was worth it.